Sunday, March 06, 2005

To Dodge or Not to Dodge: That Is the Question

I was recently asked to comment on whether or not I thought that dodgeball was olympic sport material or a monumental waste of time.

No-brainer here, people.

While many of you might think that Kickball and Dodgeball are playground pals, and the two live happily after, mocking tetherball and that weird basketball hoop thing with the four chutes coming out of it, you'd be sorely mistaken. Kickball and dodgeball are mortal enemies.

That's right - mortal enemies. Oil and water. Sharks and Jets. Salt and Coffee.

I know that dodgeball has met with some recent popularity what with Vince Vaughn/Ben Stiller movie, but that's all it's got going for it.

I played both sports when I was growing up, and liked 'em both - but then again, I was usually one of the biggest kids in class. I've pegged many a kid on the dodgeball court, and booted my share of deep balls on the kickball field. But after about 14, I realized something.

Dodgeball is mean.

The smaller kids get picked last, the nerds and geeks (who are now the bosses and CEO's of people like me) were the first to taste room-temperature rubber. It's a sport of exclusion where the goal is to get rid of kids on the other side, til you've got no one to play with.

Kickball, on the other hand, is open to any and all. Sure it helps to be faster or stronger, but you don't have to be. As long as you can kick (even if it's just the dreaded bunt), and catch, you can play. And instead of eliminating the other team from the field, you play your little hearts out against each other the whole time, and shake hands when it's over.

Over the past year, the opportunity to play both sports as an adult has come to our sleepy little town. I can proudly say:

I'm not only a kickballer, but I'm also the President.

And we are 400 strong in town - and tens of thousands strong across the country. Guys and girls drinking beers, 40's (OE - it busts a cap in all the other malt liquors, yo!), "go-juice" and the occaissional bottle of water or Gatorade. Hell, I've been known to smoke a cig while waiting for my pitch. We're approaching our 4th season in a few weeks, and I can't wait to see everyone on the fields again. I explain our cadre of kickers as "A drinking club with a kickball problem."

Co-ed Dodgeball is struggling here. But what do you expect? K-ball is a great way to meet singles in a quasi-active, fully social environment. How do you expect to get a girl's number in dodgeball after beaning her in the face?!? "How 'bout a cold beer for that shiner I gave you?" Ain't cuttin' in my book.

Dodgeball? Please.

Now if you'll excuse me, this President of Kickball has a summit to attend, where I'm meeting the Premier of Tetherball, and the Shah of Four-Square to impose sanctions on dodgeball and draft the Playground Peace Accords...


Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
I've been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

Thumbs up, and keep it going!


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:46 PM  

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