The slip and slide of moral decay

I missed Monday Metal Monday last night, as I was home sick (left work at 11:30 in the morning)!

I'll never laugh at another soul performing again. Can you believe this?!?! (if the stupid P&C makes you register for this story, here's the gist: Guy #1 laughs at Guy #2's singing. Guy #2 stabs Guy #1 with a knife. Jailarity ensues.

Big Ups to my friend who sent this bit o' news to me today...I believe his thoughts on this article were, "That's TOTALLY BLOGGABLE!"

These are from last Saturday's Post Work Holiday Party Party (you know, going to the bar where you're friends are at, see the post from 12/20 for more details)...

Lisa - I told you these would go up on a site....

"My eyes are not here, they're up here!"


"Seriously Dude! Dude, no, seriously!"...


Clearly pleased with my photographic prowess...


It's photos like this that will keep her from ever holding public office...


Purple and Green - it's the new Red and Orange!


Tommy? Calvin? Ralph?...Jay?...

This kid's going home for the Holiday in a few hours. I'm sure that I'm gonna be loaded with good stories by the time I'm back in town - and just plain loaded, too...Merry Festivus, everyone!

This weekend was above average in the fun and deep-but-blatantly-obvious thought factor...
To give you a little background on the weekend:

Friday was just a standard "go out to the bars after work, and see where the night takes you" sort of thing.

Saturday was our company holiday party at the American Theater. It was Oscar-themed, and a co-worker and I stood in front of the Theater with mics and a cameraman (co-worker's boyfriend), and staged an "E!"-ish show we named "Maximum Fabulosity" or "Max Fab!" I was your hunky host, Buff Champion, and she was the beautiful, classy, and witty Britney Love-Hewitt Simpson Zeta-Jones Lohan! We pretended each of our co-workers were celebrities, and made stuff up and fake-interviewed them on the spot. They had no idea what hit 'em...

Sunday = a day of rest!

So, without further adieu - some of the things I learned this weekend (kind of in chronological order, where possible)...

1) You can rent waitresses at King Street Grille at a rate of $100 an hour.
2) Pool on 4 Red Bull & Vodkas, and a couple of Jager Bombs is challenging in a mind over simple motor skills kind of way...
3) I don't need to hang out with people who rent waitresses at a rate of $100 an hour.
4) Tequila is bad, mmmkay?
5) I can smoke two packs of cigarettes in one night.
6) No one should EVER smoke two packs of cigarettes in one night.
7) Improv comedy is TOUGH - but incredibly fun.
8) When I get nervous, I look around alot. Look at your co-host, Buff...
9) Never listen to others when it comes to fashion. If you like it - wear it, by god!
10) Jeans, and a suit jacket over a purple button down with an emerald green t-shirt underneath it is Hot. See rule #9.
11) I think of myself as laid-back, but upon further review, I'm actually probably pretty high maintenance...
12) Taking a camera out with you can be really fun. It can also provide verification that the girl you were talking to at the bar was as cute as you thought she was...(pics tomorrow....mwah hahahahaha!)
13) Playing electric guitars at 3:30 in the morning is cool in West Ashley.
14) Playing a trumpet in a Howard Johnson hotel room at 4:30 in the morning is NOT cool in downtown Charleston.
15) On the 7th day, God created Waffle House, gave Man the intelligence to scatter, smother, cover, and chunk hash browns, and the stupidity to eat them at 5:00 in the morning.
16) Jan 1 can't come soon enough. This kid's ready for some change...

There's a ton more from this weekend, but I think the pictures will do it more justice than my poetic waxing...

The Great-Grandaddy of Rock & Roll was born on this day way the hell back in 1770...I've always enjoyed listening to classical music, but have never gone out of my way to do it - knowwhatimean? Last Saturday, though, I got a backstage look at the Charleston Symphony Orchestra's performance of Handel's Messiah. It was pretty cool! I think one of my (many) New Year's Resolutions will be to do something cultured like that once a month.

I don't think it would hurt to check out one of the many museums here on a Saturday instead of lounging on my couch ordering Papa John's and watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVDs (which I will still do from time to time - in addition to playing poker, running the best damn kickball league in the US of A, and hitting the occasional open mic and/or karaoke night)...

What are your resolutions? For you slackers that haven't thought about it yet, here are some ideas (read: my resolutions). If yours isn't on here, post it here - that way, it's in print forever, and you HAVE to see it through then!

New Year Resolutions

What is/are your New Year Resolution(s)? Get in Shape Pay off Debts Learn to Work on My Car Spend More Time with Family Travel More Get Some Friggin' Culture Read More, Watch Less Do at Least One Insane Thing (Skydive, bungee jump, etc) Follow That Really Cool Idea I Had All the Way Through Learn How to Say "No" a Little Better Search The Internet

You've got to be kidding me...I'll never believe another soul that tells me that the Conservative Right, Moral Majority, Bible-thumpin', God-fearin', "Salt of the Earth" folks are in power, and are going to impose their will on all of us...

I present to you, dear readers, the latest reality shows to air on Fox. "Who's Your Daddy?" and "Big Shot." Coming soon to a 60-inch plasma screen near you...

The fact that these shows are on - in addition to the fact that "Desperate Housewives" recently beat "Survivor"'s finale, People are cussing like sailors on Nip/Tuck, and hot women and buff men are eating horse butt covered in pig vomit on "Fear Factor" - tells me that while the folks that have "family values" are just as guilty of watching trash on tv as the rest of us...

And I use "us" intentionally - I completely dig Desperate Housewives, Nip/Tuck, and I'd eat just about anything for $50,000!

see you in hell...

So, I was just reading the City Paper article about the parking issues of our fair city, and I don't know what people are so pissed about. Well, I mean I do know, but the ones that are pissed are the lazy clowns that won't walk more than a couple of blocks to get where they want to be.

Then, later that day, I came across this. Pay with Toys instead of cash?!? Give a needy child something they need, instead of $10 to a city that's already making money off of me at every turn??!?!

Wouldn't it be really swell, if our little town gave back once a year? I brought this idea up at work today, and got pretty readily dismissed. But, while this week kicked my ass, I'm bringin' it back soon in some way, shape, or form - cuz it's really good, right?

Not earth-shattering, ground-breaking news (not that you've come to expect that here anyway), but felt this one was worth slapping up on the 'ol Slip and Slide...

And in all fairness, I am TOTALLY guilty of Dickazoid example #3 - cuting in on exit lines off the highway at the last second. Or as I like to call it, "The Jersey Bypass"

It is busy as all get out right now - you know, the kind of busy where the phone rings and you read emails while talking to your co-worker, and the book with the highlighted quotes you were gonna type into a presentation you've got to give in 30 minutes sits next to the invitation you need to proof for the office holiday party that you're heading...you know, that kind of busy...

I know what you're thinking, too. What the hell are you doing typing this then? Well, o inquisitive ones (and voice inside my head), When it gets like this, I either get really calm and focused on one thing, or I get all wound up, and start bouncing like a super ball off of everything around me - paying about 3-5 minutes worth of attention to everything around me.

Zing! email.
Pow! presentation.
Ping! biz research.
Pong! a little blog action.

Wham-O! back to work...

Um....probably shouldn't be posting this right now, but I guess, at the very least, future me will find this slightly amusing...on some level...

Karaoke's fun, ok? I probably sang 8 songs tonight, and had a ridiculously good time doing it.

And I didn't just stare at the little tv screen in front of me and drone out what I was reading, oh no - I was down on one knee, singing "Bed of Roses" to two girls.

God have mercy on the woman that can deal with me...

Just got back from Thanksgiving break and a biz trip to NYC. Craziness abounds, ladies and gentlemens...craziness abounds. I feel like I've lived a month this past week, and have come away a more learned man.

1) United sucks.
2) Amtrak is cool. Even at 5AM.
3) People love high fives. Admit it, you do, too.
4) Travel brings out the best - and worst - in you. Ever want to get to know your true self - and those around you? Sit in an airport for 6 hours.
5) Radial Arteries - when nicked - spurt blood quite far.
6) Broadway kicks Hollywood's ass. Support your local theater(s), folks.
7) I was right. And then some!

I'll elaborate on each one of these over the week - cuz (in the best Hank Hill voice you can muster) "I tell you what" - they're worth elaborating on...