Thursday, October 28, 2004

Sack Panthers and Chocolate Salty Balls Tonight

Our opponent this week is none other than Chocolate Salty Balls. You'll recognize these nincompoops as the folks we routinely thrash at Flip Cup. A win in this final week gets us above .500 for the regular season (without having to equivocate over whether a tie counts as "not a win" or "not a loss") so I want you all foaming at the mouth in a berserker rage for victory. "But why, Bryan? Why must we hate our fellow man? Why can't we all just get along?" I'll tell you why, position by position:

Bryan Raynor - Captain of the

Sack Panthers and creator of "The Snorks"

Pitcher: Coined the phrase, "That's to die for!"

Catcher: Shot our twenty-fifth president, William McKinley.

First Base: Invented the Clapper -- and wrote the jingle.

Second Base: Does not know how a bill becomes a law.

Shortstop: Eats paste.

Third Base: Has vestigial gill slits.

Left Field: Is exiled Haitian dictator Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier.

Left Center: Roots for the Yankees.

Right Center: Refuses to salute those about to rock.

Right Field: Is the fifth dentist who doesn't recommend Dentyne for his patients who chew gum.

Bench Warmers: All former members of Menudo.

The game is at 7:15pm on Field B (that's the one covered in four-leaf clovers and magical buttercups, where the unicorns frolic from dawn 'til dusk). Teresa and I will referee the early game this week. Thanks to all who helped out with the officiating this season. We'll need to provide referees for the playoffs, so I'll continue to grovel for volunteers until we leave the field of play after the final game as the winners of the Kickball Cup or the Ghost Man Medal or whatever gaudy trinket we're due to receive after crushing our enemies, seeing them driven before us and hearing the lamentations of their women.

-- Bryan


I cannot respect someone who refuses to salute those about to rock.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:42 PM  

You changed the header! I personally enjoyed "Sack Panthers to Lick Chocolate Salty Balls" in an odd, double-entendre, visual foreshadowing way of the clobbering you Sacks received.

By Blogger Vivian to Some, at 12:03 PM  

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